Radio has impeccable timing sometimes. On my way to work this morning, I was composing an email in my head (am I the only one who does that?) to my new mentor. I asked her a few weeks ago to be my spiritual mentor, and she finally agreed to it, but she posed the question to me, “But what, I wonder, would I have to offer you? How could where I have been and what I am and where I am going be what you need?” She went on to say:
I cannot make you love Jesus. I cannot force you to accept Him as the One who came to save you, your very own Savior. I can’t assuage your doubts about God. I cannot argue the validity of faith by science or philosophy. Your inner heart is holy and private ground. I would not presume to force anything upon you.
Isn’t she great? She closed by asking me, “But would I love to be used of God to love you into a life you love?”
So my answer to her is going to be that I need that love. I’ve got the choice down. But there’s so much of me that feels cold and hard when it comes to God. I find myself wondering if it’s too late for me. Has this period of doubt permanently banished me to a life without feeling?
And as I was thinking this through this morning - thinking how much Jeanie’s life and passion would do me good - this song by Rush of Fools came on the radio:
I’ve been here before
Now, here I am again
Standing at the door
Praying You’ll let me back in
To label me
A prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface
Of who I’ve been known to be
Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I’ve become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can’t do this myself
You’re the only one
Who can undo what I’ve become
I focused on the score
But I could never win
Trying to ignore
A life of hiding my sin
To label me
A hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface
Of who I’ve been known to be
Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I’ve become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can’t do this myself
You’re the only one
Who can undo what I’ve become
Make every step lead me back to
The sovereign way that You
Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I’ve become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can’t do this myself
You’re the only one who can undo
You are the only one who can undo
You’re the only one who can undo
What I’ve become
Uhhhh…. yeah. What they said.
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If there’s not one I like by then, I’ll extend the deadline.